Monthy Archive: September 2009
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September 04, 2009

Life : 50 years on

Today is my 50th birthday. A time for introspection and refection – two things I do quite well.

To start off with, this is not the only odometer that is rolling around a bunch of digits this year:

* 50 years ago today, I was born
* 40 years ago this coming April I began my journey following Jesus
* 30 years ago this January, I started my career as a full-time software engineer
* 20 years ago this January, I moved to California
* 10 years ago… Well, there are some things that happened 10 years ago; but nothing that cries out as a landmark to celebrate. Perhaps 10 years from now I’ll think otherwise.

Oh, and 23 years ago this coming March, I got married (not exactly in sync with the rest – so it goes).

So I’ll consider these in turn.

50 Years of Life and life is good. While there are many things I would be tempted to change if I could, the reality is that I’m not at all convinced that I would be a better person if I changed any of them. Even my worst regrets have built positive things into my life, so should I regret them at all? The reality is that compared to 99% of the people in the world, my life is amazing; so on what basis can I complain about anything? The truth is that while there are still things I want to do with the years ahead, my life has been a good one.

40 years of faith and my love of God and appreciation of His love for me continues to grow. Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that my faith is a dynamic thing, constantly growing. My relationship with God continues to get stronger as he works in me to help me see the world from His point of view. I don’t think I would be able to appreciate my life as well as I do if it wasn’t for God’s Spirit in my life acting as comforter, counselor and teacher.

30 years of engineering and frankly I’m getting tired of it. Don’t get me wrong – I have a great job working with great people. It would be hard to imagine a better engineering position elsewhere. It’s just that I’m starting to feel like I’ve done everything I want to do as a software engineer. Yes, I can keep doing the same things for many more years; but I could also retire today as an engineer and have no regrets about my career.

22 years of marriage, and I think we have finally figured it out. Seriously. We’ve had our ups and downs over the years; but at this point I think we both understand each other enough and understand how to cooperate in the cramped space of a marriage enough so that 1 plus 1 really is greater than 2. Learning how to be married really is a lot like learning how to be part of a pair of people trying to cook in a tiny kitchen (perhaps preparing three dishes – two that you are doing on your own and one that you are doing together). It’s all about finding the balance between giving each other enough room that you can get your own things done, helping each other out when extra hands are needed, and finding joy in the things you discover to do together.

20 years in California and the move to the city has kept it fresh (for now). We moved up to SF in part because we had grown bored of living in the South Bay. Too much suburbia. Of course moving up here brought into sharp relief the things we really did like about where we used to live; but it’s all under an hour away, and I’m down there at least once a week anyway. We both still miss the East Coast (particularly our friends back there); but at this point we’d also miss California if we ever moved away.

OK, so much for retrospectives. What’s next?

I’m really overcome with the sense that I for all I have learned in the first 50 years of my life, what I need to focus on in the years ahead is passing all that on to other people. I’m still not sure by what means to do that. Write some books? Become a teacher? Become a pastor? All of the above? I’m not sure; but I really think the focus of my life needs to switch into output mode. What that will involve in terms of lifestyle changes is unclear; but changes are needed to go with the new focus. I have seen God doing a lot of clearing the undergrowth from my life the last few years. I think that was in preparation for what’s next.

Posted by Steven at 05:00 AM | Permalink