Harrumpf. So what you are saying is that you have prostituted yourself for the mighty dollar. You live a lifestyle that is not what you want because 'that is where the job is.'

I'm disappointed. You spend so much time getting the other aspects of your life right, I'm shocked that you are ignoring this one. In a lot of ways it is far more important for your well-being.

Had you said, 'I put up with this for Anne,' or 'My friends/church make being here tolerable,' or even 'I am working to make this other life possible' then ok. But 'I dream of a life lived otherwise and choose to do nothing about it' seems remarkably un-Steve-like.

Yeah, that's me Steven Software-whore :-)

To be truthful, it took me quite a while to realize what it was I didn't like about living here and what kind of place I would actually like. It has only been, perhaps, 3 years that I have really understood what I said in this posting. Since then I have been actively looking at options to resolve this (my current employer almost relocated me to London, and may yet do so). Now at the moment, interesting things are happening at church, and a project I have been waiting to work on for five years is about to start at my job, so this isn't a front-burner issue; but it is something I plan to correct when I can.

BTW, Ro, Thanks for the vote of confidence on "getting the other aspects of (my) life right". Not sure how well founded that is; but thanks.

You got me thinking, so I'll respond more. I came to SV to work at Apple, which was a magical experience. I loved working at Apple, getting to interact with some of the smartest people in the industry, getting to really innovate, even doing some pure research at times. Even when it was bad for me personally towards the end, it was still a great place to work. I honestly didn't think much about the rest of my life while I was working at Apple (as Anne can, unfortunately, attest). Then I went to SGI which was such a bad job match that I found it hard to think about anything other than how miserable I was there (I stayed less than a year).

Finally I came to OpenTV, which was (and is) a good job; and one that allows me to have a life outside of work. It was only then that I started to realize that SV wasn't a good fit. Then the question became – where would I be happy? It took several years to really work out not only why I wasn't happy here; but to establish some expectations on where I would be happier. By the time I figured that out with confidence, the economy had gone bust, and it was a bad time to try and change jobs. Now the economy is better; but as I said, church and interesting projects are keeping me here.

So perhaps it was a bit simplistic for me to say "If this wasn't where the jobs were, I wouldn't be here", although there is a level of truth - finding jobs in places that meet my other requirements isn't easy. Fortunately I at least have a job I like now.

I got you thinking... turnabout is fair play. I think the main reason I've persisted in reading this blog because it does provoke thought in me - and oftentimes about topics that aren't in the first several tiers of choices.

"turnabout is fair play" - yes it is, and I realized the irony in my comment when I wrote it.

And, as we have recently discussed, the culture of Silicon Valley is definitely _not_ condusive to my living a wonderfully happy and productive life as a linguist, genealogist, and generally creative person. The opportunities are elsewhere.

City personage? Compared to cow-country (Vermont), nearly anywhere else is a city. Well, maybe that is a bit extreme. At this point I have lived in MA longer than the formative years I spent growing up in Woodstock. Even so, I do not pine for a return to "home"; I need the relative bustle of the suburbs and the occasional event/activity in the city, but thinking about living nearer to Boston is more than I want to postulate. Even Burlington, VT is too much city for me, but the outer 'burbs might be okay. If Robin can match or exceed my salary, I told her I would think about moving back to VT. {sigh} It could happen within 5 years or so...

I like my house in the woods but don't like the hour commute to work. I like having fresh air and a large yard for my boys to play in, just not the yardwork that seems to suck up any "spare" time. Next time I will look for a flatter yard!

Driving 10-30 minutes to get somewhere is "normal" to me - it's how I grew up. Spending 2 hours a day (more in unusual situations!) getting back and forth to work is not, but hopefully that will change as industry relocates Worcester-way.

A few life choices are made deliberately, many by accident; the rest are subtle, passive non-choices. Suddenly, the lyrics of a Talking Heads song echo in your mind: “How did I get here?” and segues “as you wake up in the present day” (Jethro Tull song). An epiphany occurs as you take stock of your current situation and compare it to where you would have really wanted to be. To take a calm, logical breather to re-evaluate, as you did, Steve, is rare. (Me? I freaked out and did some silly things.) Here's to hoping you are able to accomplish your desires and have fun doing it!

Thanks Morrie (and welcome to my peanut gallery!)

I have always believed in "living life deliberately" – being conscious of what I am doing any why; but living in Silicon Valley, I managed to get seduced by the rhythm of the hamster wheel, hypnotized by the endless cycle of work and rest. When I realized what had happened, I made my escape plan (of which this blog is a part).